Mornin' Too Soon-sters!We have to start today with a retraction.
Last week, while covering the death of Nic Cage's dad August, a self-published comment appeared in this blog:
The dude effed himself though, because now he has to wait until one of these people also checks out so he can start sponging and living the good afterlife.
Well, all I can do is apologize for this ill-conceived comment, because as it turns out, Nicolas Cage is broke. In fact, he's selling off some of his prized possessions, including his mansion, cars, and a creepy rubbery-looking version of John Travolta's face. (That one will fetch a lot at an auction, as it is the second creepiest thing in the world, behind only Travolta's real face) By the way, time for another AreWeTooSoon? PSA:
If you become a Scientologist, your child will die.
Write that down.
Now, my best advice for Nic Cage is, whenever I feel a bit of a financial pinch, I just ask my father for some mon... um, never mind.
Otay, on with the show:
1 - Author of 'Life and Death in Shanghai' dies at 94
His name was Nien Cheng. Having not ever read or even heard of his most famous book... a book who's title now has a completely irrelevant first word, I was one letter off guessing his last name after merely reading the headline.
The book apparently chronicles the author's mother and her struggle against communist Red China's oppression of free thinkers in the 60's.
Um... so this has NOTHING to do with Owen Wilson at all? Pass.
2 - NYU death plunge
A 20-year-old NYU student leaped to his death yesterday from a 10th-floor balcony in the school's library -- becoming at least the eighth student at the Greenwich Village university to commit suicide since 2003.
At LEAST the 8th? I take it no one at NYU majors in record keeping. I realize 8 suicides in 6 years is a pretty high number for what is obviously a fine institution of higher... at least 10 floors higher learning, but it still seems well within the realm of being able to count to an exact number... even for Americans.
The new NYU library slogan, "Our stories can be checked out, but please don't check out using our storeys."
3 - Lady Gaga's arrival makes photographer fall to death
Quoted directly from the linked article:
Celebrity photographer AJ Sokalner suffered a massive heart attack and died at the ACE Awards Gala held Tuesday after he saw popstar Lady Gaga donning a black lace-up headpiece (widow-esque black veil) at NYC’s Cipriani 42nd Street, where she was being honored with the Stylemaker Award.
Well... that is a tragedy and all, but thank Jeebus the true tragedy was averted, as the good people that penned this article still managed to report what this fashion trend-setter starlet was wearing. There was no picture included, neither of the dead dude or Gaga herself, but it sounds as though she can wear the same outfit to the funeral.
(Ok, that's a joke... making light of the recently deceased is one thing... but wearing the SAME outfit to two events in a row??? That's fashion suicide - nothing funny about that... unless fashion jumped out of a ten storey NYU library)
Also from the article:
According to a fellow photographer who was on the scene when the accident happened, the gang was packing up and ready to leave when the man fell and hit his head on the concrete.
Greeeeeeeat... now that leaves me having to decide whether to coin the term "splatterazzi" or "paparazzi-smear".
Imma go think about which one is best.
Love,
Chris Real
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