The Too Soon Dead Slut Series - Vol. 2

Welcome friends to the second installment of AreWeTooSoon?'s series celebrating dead famous skanks. Despite this breed's penchant for checking out early and doing so in uber-Too Soon worthy fashion, this is hardly a species in danger of being put on the endangered list.

I have one of these on Lindsay Lohan ready to go that I was hoping to put up this week but either the woman is part cockroach or someone out there is making bionic cocaine... maybe by Christmas if we're lucky.

So in this installment we'll pay tribute to Anna Nicole Smith... which is really a bit of a cop out because I can copy and paste most of our Marilyn Monroe piece, change some names, add some fat jokes and I'm done.

Before we get in to talking about the life of this talentless disaster of a gold-digging bimbo (oh DAMMIT I just summed it up already), I will issue an apology...

I wanted to have this piece posted a bit quicker this morning, but when looking for a picture to accompany it, well... Let's just say doing a Google image search for "dead Anna Nicole Smith" um... distracted me for about seven minutes.

Anna's life:

Anna was born Vicky Lynn Hogan in Harris Co, TX, on November 28, 1967.

Then in high school she grew boobs, dropped out of high school at 17, showed those boobs a lot, sucked on some 90 year old wang for a couple months, got half a billion dollars, and died of a prescription drug overdose on February 8th, 2007.

Ah, the American dream personified. Oh wait, she also got really fat. NOW it's the American dream personified.

Smith appeared in Playboy, then parlayed the media attention from that into getting roles in a few major motion pictures no one ever saw and a lot of DVDs many did. Other than that, she starred in her own "reality" TV show, The Biggest Loser, oh wait that might not be right...

Smith also appeared in a series of ads for the animal rights Nazi-funded group PETA, after apparently mixing Champagne with Valium and accidentally mistaking herself for Pamela Anderson.

There will be a movie made about Anna Nicole in the near future starring Willa Ford... Yum... Willa Ford... Um yeah Ok time to wrap this up to go see if I can find any new hilarious deaths to tell you about... I'll start looking... in seven minutes.

Love,
Chris Real