...fucktards.I hope everyone had a happy and safe weekend.
Those that didn't though, are getting the press.
Man shot, but dies after hit-and-run on South side
CHICAGO, IL (TS) -- A Park Forest man who died early Sunday after being shot on the South Side was hit by a car following the shooting -- and officials determined the car, not the gunshot, killed him.
Howard Hodges was his name - and it looks like he had the single most unlucky night any dude has ever had ever - well except for those dudes who's women make them go to a Michael Buble concert.
Still, the guy survives a gun shot and gets hit by a car and dies in the same night... it's like he WANTED to be an AreWeTooSoon? topic but couldn't quite decide how he'd like to do it.
Well, bravo Mr. Hodges - you've got something over Anthony Hopkins and Vanessa Redgrave - THIS Howard's End is pretty entertaining.
Teen driver dies; may have been texting
BLACKMAN TOWNSHIP, Mich. (TS) -- A 17-year-old Richland woman died Friday night after a chain reaction of crashes on I-94.
Laurie Cartwright, a 2009 Gull Lake High graduate and Western Michigan University student, may have been texting on her cell phone when she collided into a semi-tractor trailer, police say.
First off, Good. Texting/cel phony drivers meeting their OWN demise and not taking anyone else with them is actually a good thing, like when a drunk driver bites it. DUM BTCH PAY ATTN TO ROAD LOL
Second, there's a place in Michigan actually called Blackman Township?
Polka band founder dies
VERONA, NY (TS) -- A founding member of Fritz's Polka Band died after loosing a battle to liver cancer. Fred Scherz Sr. died Saturday and had been fighting the illness since August.
Aaaaaaaaaaand the good people at WSYR in Syracuse are loosing a battle with spelling. The very best part of this article is it ends:
For a link to the Fritz's Polka Band website, CLICK HERE.
Fucking classic. Don't try booking them for this Wednesday though, they already have a gig rockin' the Everygreen Cemetary.
The polka dude, acordian to sources, had been a fixure on the hot underground burgeoning New York polka scene since starting Fritz's Polka Band in '78, a mere 3 generations after polka ceased to be relevant to anyone. The ONLY good thing about playing in a polka band would be the groupies... because a gummer would be an actual gummer. Nom nom nom...
Elderly man hit by a bicyclist dies
BOSTON, MA (TS) -- An 84-year-old man died over the weekend after he was struck by a bicyclist while trying to cross the street in Boston on Friday night, police said.
The man's name has not been released, out of respect for the family to save them the embarrassment of people knowing grandpa couldn't take the sheer force of that unrepentant killing machine we know as a Schwinn. I know he was 84 but still... if it took that other dude a bullet AND a car to take him out...
Child dies after being trapped in recliner
FAIRFIELD, Il (TS) -- Authorities in Wayne County, Ill., said an 18-month-old boy died after getting his head trapped in a recliner.
Oh boy... you never like to write about kids this young, seriously. This story of the tragic end of young Hunter Woolever is not a pleasant one, and this is actually tough for me... but I just couldn't sit on this story, because something kept like digging into my back or something, it was really uncomfortable. Poor Hunter, we don't say good bye, we just say Sealy later, you La-Z-Boy.
That's the news, and I... am... outta here!
Chris Real
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