Queens woman cuts off father's penis, cooks it, and kills him

QUEENS, NY (TS) -- The Queens woman who mutilated her father and burned his penis on the stove has been taking a cooking class in jail. Brigitte Harris, who faces up to 15 years in prison for killing her dad when she is sentenced on Friday, also has been biding her time on Rikers Island by reading vampire novels and mysteries.

Well, my work here is done.

Look, I know it seems suspicious, but I swear we do not have this woman on the AreWeTooSoon? payroll.

She's taking a cooking class in prison... this crazy beeyotch knows more about the concept of "Too Soon" than any of us here could ever hope to. Like seriously, what darlin', was the moyle class all filled up?

Ok, so here she is...










Now... her story is she committed this crime because she was sexually abused (yeah right, not even Stevie Wonder would take a run at THAT) by her father, Eric Goodridge... but come on... I think the odds are much better the girl was just hungry... and if the stereotypes are true, she was fixin' to get herself a pretty decent snack.

Ms. Harris reportedly first tried to boil her dad's sausage, but got frustrated after it just kept Bobbitting up and down in the water, so she decided to take more of a Cajun approach.

The thing about cooking a black penis though... how the hell do you know when it's done?????

I wonder if that's covered in prison cooking class. It's kind of a shame Brigitte didn't do this years ago so she could've been rockin' Rikers the same time Martha Stewart was.
Martha could show this budding young cor-dong bleu chef how to take a penis and slice it, dice it, puree it, marinate it, or even turn it into a lovely Wangsgiving Day centrepiece. It's a Goodridge thing.

I usually end these things off with one last witty remark but in honour of Ms. Harris today I will jus

Love,
Chris Real