Greetings and welcome to the first of what will surely be a long and successful series here at AweWeTooSoon?
This series will reach back through the past to uncover and discuss some of the finest slut deaths of all time. Now please keep in mind, many of these will be from years, possibly decades ago, but hopefully there is still enough unjustified love in the world for some of these skanks that even years later, to joke about them could still be "Too Soon".
The inaugural entry here is a no-brainer... the woman that started the whole slut death movement, and to this day probably remains the biggest of it's kind.
The Too Soon Dead Slut Series presents: Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe was perhaps one of the least versatile actresses of all time... but when it came to boinking, the girl had range.
Politicians, industry leaders, play writes, sports stars, and a list of second-rate actors that would make Jenna Jameson blush.
It's amazing she never starred in a movie called 'Testicles Are A Girl's Best Friend'. (although, that was most certainly in her future, had her career not been saved - and elevated - by an early death)
Joe DiMaggio has to feel slightly ripped off. I mean, here he was for a few months, banging a girl that had been passed around Hollywood more than a burnt spoon at Courtney Love's baby shower, and Lou Gehrig gets a disease named after HIM???? WEAK.
Joe though, was just one in a long line of what I believe back then they called "suitors", but today they call "randoms". (not that I can blame him or any of them... hell, I'da done her... hell I STILL might - the idea of post-coital cuddling/talking being completely optional is... actually never mind)
One of these men of course, was JFK. After Marilyn's infamous performance of 'Happy Birthday' to JFK that made it apparent she was singing the way she did because she had a fresh gob of sperm force one in her throat - Kennedy had her killed. I know most don't believe that, but it is so, the Kennedys were mega-pricks. It was actually JFK that killed JFK - I know, I've seen a YouTube clip about it.
Of course, the "official" cause of Monroe's death is barbiturate overdose - either accidental or suicide. Either way, Marilyn stopped giving guys the 'Seven Year Itch' on August 5, 1962.
And a movement was born.
To Marilyn Monroe, a trailblazer, a visionary, and perhaps the ultimate dead slut of all time!
Love,
Chris Real
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