Happy fucking Halloween!

Nic Cage's dad, August Coppola dies at 75

"Daddy, daddy, why did you have to leave me? And why am I covered in frosty chocolate milkshake?"

August Coppola, a former literature professor who was the father of actor Nicolas Cage and brother of filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola and actress Talia Shire, has died. He was 75.

Coppola died Tuesday in Los Angeles after suffering a heart attack, Cage's publicist, Annett Wolf, said Thursday.

What? Bitch didn't even have his OWN publicist?!?!?!?

This is not news.

They SAY it was heart attack that caused Mr. Coppola to be Gone In 60 Seconds and took him to the City of Angels with the Kiss of Death, but this has to be suicide... the amount of reasons this guy had to off himself are as staggering as his son on a coke binge.

AreWeTooSoon? will mention a few of the more hilarious ones:

1 - Inferiority complex
Brother: Rich and famous director, Sister: Rich and famous actress, Kid: Rich and famous actor that got to bang Patricia Arquette, Himself: Comparative lit teacher
The dude effed himself though, because now he has to wait until one of these people also checks out so he can start sponging and living the good afterlife.

2 - Tactile Dome
He helped create this interactive sensory exhibit at the Palace of Fine Arts' Exploratorium in San Francisco. Ok, so maybe not suicide, but accidental death from boredom

3 - August
His name is fucking AUGUST. It's a miracle he made it out of Grade eight.

4 - "Moneyfinger"
I'm sure August was a proud poppa, and any time one of his son's movies was on TV, he watched. Quite recently TBS ran a Nic Cage-a-thon. If he's anything like me, every Goddamn time they have some goof overdub the word the "moneyfinger" or "motherfather" or some other bastardized version of the stellar word "motherfucker", I want to suffocate a kitten. Fact: Nic Cage says "motherfucker" in his movies a lot. Poor August probably just snapped.

5 - Good will
Perhaps Mr. Coppola was something of a visionary and on some level knew there wouldn't be a whole lot of solid Too Soon material on this fine Friday.
That's one smart moneyfinger.

Love,
Chris Real

Teen Dies in Crash with Manure Spreader

Just... wow.

It looks like Too Soon Jesus, Too Soon Santa, the Too Soon bunny, and the Too Soon fairy all teamed up to bring us the greatest story in the history of ever.

FREDONIA, WI (TS) - A 19-year-old Cedar Grove man died when his pickup truck smashed into the back of a manure spreader in northern Ozaukee County.

Seriously... AreWeTooSoon? AreNotReallyNeeded! on this one... but we can't let it slip past us.

The dude's name is Steven R. Casarez, and he has found the shittiest way to die ever.
Wisconsin reporters were quick on the scene, they are well known for being able to sniff out a good story.

From this article:
Casarez was westbound on Jay Road near Kay-K Road when he struck the rear of the spreader, which was towed by a tractor that stopped in the westbound lane while preparing to turn left into a field. Skid marks at the scene show Casarez attempted to brake and swerve to the right.

As Rude Dude says, "That's why I refuse to pound from the rear, too much poop." Y'know, I LOVE that they had to use the words "skid marks" in this story...
When cops got on the scene, they tried to get the victim out using the jaws of life... no luck. The police were unable to clear the vehicle until one of them poured a huge bottle of Ex-Lax into a hole in the windshield, at which point Mr. Casarez slid right out.
I hope the state does the right thing and pays tribute to the fallen... by renaming Jay Road Hershey Highway.

Also from the article:
Neither teen was wearing a seatbelt, but the airbag deployed for Casarez.
Guss said investigators are awaiting the results of a toxicology report to see if alcohol was a factor in the crash.

What? Why the hell would they be waiting for a toxicology report???? The guy was CLEARLY shit-faced when they got on the scene. It's a good thing Casarez's airbag deployed... as now we have an accurate and to scale model of what Oprah's first used Huggies looked like.

The victim will not be buried until Sunday, so that he may attend a Halloween party on Saturday where he is expected to take home best costume honours for his wicked Biff Tannen outfit. (thanks Zubazz)

One thing you must be SURE to do... about 12 months after he's buried, go visit his grave, because the 'shrooms that will be growing on that patch of real estate will give you an incredible buzz.

Y'know, it's ALWAYS funny as hell when a drunk driver dies, so long as no one else gets hurt.

Yes, I'm assuming he was drunk... it was 11 at night, he was 19, he was driving a pick up, he lived in Wisconsin, and he HIT A FRICKIN' POOP TRUCK.

This turd-tapping shit disturber got what was coming to him.

We here at AreWeTooSoon? cannot thank him enough.

Flush,
Chris Real

Longtime Kansan City Chiefs assistant coach Wallis dies

KANSAS, MO (TS) -- Darvin Wallis, the second-longest tenured assistant coach in Chiefs history, has died at age 60.

Sigh...

In the unending Too Soon bounty that is football-related death, the ONLY thing going for this guy is that it's the most recent.

I mean, we can't expect anyone to top Steve McNair. Pro Bowl QB iced by a jealous girlfriend? Followed by paternity suits and drug accusations? That's GOLD Jerry, GOLD! That was easily the second best NFL death of all time... the first being the death of Packers GM Ted Thompson's dreams of winning another Superbowl the day he traded Brett Favre.

Alas, we get stuck with this Donny... Darwin... Darvin... yeah Darvin Whatshisname dude, a guy who:

1 - Was a defensive assistant coach (read: not even good enough to be head coach)

and

2 - Was a defensive assistant coach with the Kansas City Chiefs (read: not even good enough to be employed by a professional football team)

Sigh...

Love,
Chris Real

Oh yeah, the picture... I know it has nothing to do with The Chiefs, or coaching, or even football, but it IS a sign on a back road in Missouri... you can also see this same sign on any interstate leading into Missouri... but this one was just more... folksy, and I love being folksy.

Roy DeCarava, art photographer depicted the African American experience, dies

Roy DeCarava, an art photographer whose pictures of everyday life in Harlem helped clarify the African American experience for a wider audience, has died. He was 89.He died Tuesday in New York City, his daughter Wendy DeCarava said. The cause was not given.

...but was probably a crack overdose.

Woah! Where did THAT come from? NOT cool dude, NOT COOL!

I am really, really sorry all... Look, I was raised by my grandparents, and they came from a much different time, and maybe some of their backwards views and questionable humour is still inside me a bit. I try to fight it, I do.

I feel the need to make amends, I know this site is here for the sole purpose of finding humour in the macabre, but for this particular individual, I will not do that. Instead, I will pay tribute to this fallen artist by posting some of his most poignant work.

Please, enjoy.

May you rest in peace, sweet shutterbug.

Coyotes Ate My Folk-Singer

***Spoiler alert***

If you haven’t already, I strongly urge you to read the post below, “When Coyotes Attack Folk Singers” before reading this post. It’s way funnier that way.

I’m going to dog pile on this topic not unlike how a pack of coyotes might maul a screaming 19 year old girl. Strangely, a very similar situation comes up way too often at AreWeTooSoon staff parties. Regardless, when the cosmos is good enough to throw me a Too Soon bone covered with teeth marks, I’m going to take full advantage and launch into my inaugural post.

A pack of coyotes kill a folk singer, huh? Nature abhors a vacuum but apparently nature also hates crappy music. Am I the only one who suddenly feels a profound sense of hope? If the very beasts of the Earth are willing to rise up and take action against Taylor Mitchell, the biggest name in Canadian folk music, then maybe Mother Nature plans on doing some more musical house keeping. Maybe a tornado will take out Jay Ferguson or an earthquake could claim Jacob Hoggard. At the very least, Mother Nature could leave a bear on Chad Kroeger’s front lawn.

It appears I’ve gotten a little off topic. I do have to commend Taylor’s commitment to her craft. As of this writing, according to her MySpace page, she hasn’t cancelled any tour dates. In case you didn’t know, Taylor was on a tour to promote her new album “For Your Consideration”. Though the album was still relatively new, sources close to the singer say she was nearing completion of her second album “Here Little Doggie”. There is no word if this album will be released posthumously.

- Rude Dude

When Coyotes Attack Folk Singers!

Taylor Mitchell, a 19 year old folk singer from Toronto, died tragically after being attacked by two coyotes while hiking in Cape Breton's Highlands National Park. She was touring the Maritimes before her death. Mitchell was hiking alone when the attack occurred. However, two other hikers scared the coyotes away and called 911. Unfortunately, their intervention came too late as Mitchell died overnight in the hospital, going up to that big ol' coffee shop in the sky.

Bob Bancroft, a retired biologist, has stated that these kinds of attacks are extremely rare, given that coyotes are generally shy in nature. However, park staff have indicated that the coyotes appeared "very agitated" Tuesday night. One hiker, who wishes to remain anonymous, reports that Mitchell was playing some songs for passersby on the trail about thirty minutes before the attack. Sadly, these two coyotes were the last two hecklers she ever saw. There was no encore.

An RCMP officer shot at one of the coyotes, but no dead body has been found. Though showing sympathy for Mitchell, this reaction from the RCMP officer has raised some concerns from prominent members of PETA (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals). Pamela Anderson has released a statement through her publicist decrying the possible killing of a coyote. She says, "It's like so sad that someone had to like die and stuff. I mean, folk singers are like totally people too. But we have to save the coyotes!"

The folk community has shown tremendous solidarity in showing their support for a fellow performer. In particular, PETFS (People For The Ethical Treatment Of Folk Singers) are planning a joint benefit concert, celebrating the music of Mitchell and fellow up-and-coming singer/songwriter Jonathan Boyd, who died earlier this month after going home with a cougar after a gig.

Bob Dylan paid tribute to Mitchell today during a rare afternoon performance in St. Louis, telling the crowd; "Yhdbh andh Taybdtr Muivvdll wsaj oijiofhakon oianyegg." Unfortunately, Dylan's translator was unavailable for comment.

-JJ Ramone

Super Demise Me

They say too much fast food can kill you... props to these people for proving that thesis true, even if they weren't really trying.

1 - McDonald's worker dies of 'overwork': officials
Somehow I knew when I read this headline this wouldn't be about a McDonald's in North America. My first thought was, "These are people that need to ask what kind of McNugget sauce you want at the drive-thru speaker and AGAIN at the window, before forgetting it altogether anyway" - so mental exhaustion wouldn't be an issue. Also, the repetitive nature of wrapping cheeseburgers might not be good on the carpal tunnel front, but it isn't physically demanding enough to be life threatening to even the fattest, laziest, pimply-faced America kid. (also, they don't even have to press the drink button down until the cup is full, it's a one touch technological wonder!)

Nope, "This has to a story from somewhere else, probably Japan, those crazy bastards" I quipped to myself before clicking on the story.

Damn I'm good.

The Japanese female McDonald's employee collapsed and died back in October '07, but this story took WAY longer to come out because it was a special order.
"Yeah, I'll have one hilarious fast food employee death story, with no conjunctive adverbs please."
It's a good thing they kept this woman under a heat lamp so they could perform the autopsy two years later.
Death from over work actually has it's own word in Japan, "karoshi", which is not to be confused with "karaoke", which is defined as death by drunk chicks thinking they can sing.

The woman has since been replaced by a robot.

2 - Troy Smith, founder of Sonic Corp, dies
Further proof that when it comes to the fast food industry, no one can compete with McDonald's, as this story isn't near as funny. I've never had a Sonic burger, but I've seen the commercials - they suck. No creepy clown, no big purple monster (fun fact "Grimmace" would make a great nickname for a wang), and no one going "robble robble robble robble". Weak.

Sonic was just about to unviel a series of new signs at each of their 8 locations around the world that boasted "dozens and dozens served", but they couldn't afford them. In fact, at the time of his death, Troy Smith was playing McDonald's Monopoly every day hoping to win so the franchise would see the beginning of the next fiscal year.

3 - Two men charged with Burger King murder face additional felonies
Mohamed S. Abdulkadir, 21, and Abdi A. Mohamed, 24, were each charged with aiding and abetting robbery for the Aug. 21 incident involving Donta Boelter. The shooting took place in the east parking lot of the Burger King at 1320 W. Second St. in Grand Island at about 9:30 p.m.

I guess we should count ourselves lucky it was only a shooting and they decided against flying planes into said Burger King. I will take an order of onion rings, medium root beer, and a Whopper with extra JIHAD!!!!!

This goes to prove that mechanically separated meat by-products ARE murder.

There's your Too Soon fast food feast of the day, you want dies with that?

Love,
Chris Real

AreWeTooSoon? Movie Review - Michael Jackson 'This Is It'

I do not have several leather bound books, nor does my apartment smell of rich mahogany. Still, I have to mention, I'm kind of a big deal.

When it became known I wanted to do a review on the new MJ movie 'This Is It', Jackson's attorneys got to work. They pulled some strings, paid off a bunch of witnesses, whatever they had to do to get me into the premier.

Not the premier all those other Hollywood celebs went to last night (thereby indirectly condoning and promoting child abuse - I hope you're proud you twats), no, a much more special premier - one that included deleted scenes and bonus features.

There'll be approx. 14,000 reviews of the actual movie out there today, so I will concentrate on reviewing the deleted scenes and special features. You came to the right place friends.

I'll start with an interesting tidbit, producers chose the title 'This Is It', after realizing most of their first picks were already taken. These include:

Boys On the Side
Boys Love
Where the Boys Are
For the Boys
Unlawful Entry

Deleted scene #1:
The camera pans out to show Jackson on an operating table, having undergone his last skin bleaching treatment. Michael is heard to mumble something about how "After all this I'm still some sort of hero to a good portion of black people" and then he cackles madly.

Deleted scene #2:
Shows a press junket on the day of MJ's death, with a bunch of reporters from all over the world furiously deleting the phrases "child molester" and "paid off families of several children" and inserting the phrases "troubled artist" and "never convicted", as well as changing "in hiding after fleeing the country" to "eccentric".

Deleted scene #3:
Has quite a few touching moments... which is why it's too disturbing to describe here - you can check the police statements if you wish to know further.

Bonus feature #1:
A "guess the year" game, where a picture of Michael's face is shown with three options to pick from. 1968 and 2009 are really easy, the other ones are quite a challenge.

Bonus feature #2:
A "where's Michael" activity, sort of like where's Waldo, but MJ is hiding amongst some of his contemporaries like OJ Simpson, Vince Neil, Ted Kennedy, and other famous people that have committed horrible crimes... the game might not seem hard, but they are all hiding in a huge pile of money.

So yeah, it was an enlightening evening at the movies for me.

Y'know, I have fun with this site, exploring the ridiculousness of life, death, and our world... but in this case, I'm literally ecstatic this piece of shit is dead.

Anyone who actually goes to this movie should be ashamed of themselves... I'm guessing no kid that ever spent the night at Neverland Ranch is attending.

Oh yeah, and Liz Taylor, someone should curb stomp you.

No love,
Chris Real

Why are all Swine Flu deaths so @#$%ing boring????

Ok, so I'll let ya in on a little trick of the Too Soon trade.

You might ask yourself, how do they keep coming up with all this amazing Too Soon material? Well, I don't know why you'd ask yourself... you obviously have no idea if that's the case.

Here's my strategy... Step 1 - Go to Google News. Step 2 - search "dies". Step 3 - Scroll. Step 4 - Let the hilarity ensue.

I swear, it's easier than cleaning a Slap Chop.

HOWEVER, over the past couple days, I've found myself having to wade through a whole bunch of H1N1 deaths that are all the exact same. "Perfectly healthy blah blah blah"/"Started getting sick last week blah blah blah"/"Donations can be made in the name of his or her family to Drake Meat Processors research department blah blah blah".

Nothing to write home... or here, about.

I did learn the country of Turkey had their health minister urge the Turkish pubic to not kiss for five months to prevent the spread of Swine Flu, and that's pretty funny I guess.
Still, have you ever seen people from Turkey? Not pretty, it really should be a law of the land to begin with. That's it though, no celeb Swine Flu (Rosie O'Donnell, Roseanne, Oprah... all of these Swine Flu deaths would be GREAT for our business... If we don't see one of these by this Thursday I'll be even more convinced there's no God), no big political names, no mass suicides by a cult called 'People of the Pig' in an effort to free their souls so they may live for eternity in a perfect pork-free Utopia... nutin'.

So the dilemma we at AreWeTooSoon? face here is, all of these H1N1 deaths provide less comedy material than an evening with Brett Butler, but we can't very well ignore, and risk missing all together, one of the biggest news stories of the year...

...and then I saw it.

Like a beam of depraved light, it appeared before my eyes... I rubbed those eyes, squinted, turned away for a moment and looked back to make sure it was really there.

Toronto Teenage Hockey Player Dies From Swine Flu

Now, I don't follow hockey, but I have friends that do, and they assure me ANY time the words "hockey" and "Toronto" appear together in a headline there is humour to be found. They also inform me the accompanying article will always detail grim death.

So apparently one more hockey player in Toronto that won't be around for this season's playoffs isn't exactly earth shattering... still... here it is:

Thirteen year old Evan Frustaglio died yesterday after fainting in the bathroom of his home. ("Be sure to mention that Toronto hockey is ALWAYS in the toilet" - done.)

Meh I dunno, I just don't get this hockey-related humour... the whole thing has me kinda nostalgic for SARS, to tell the truth.

I guess I'll just wrap this up with a passage from the linked article:
Symptoms of H1N1, or swine flu, may include difficulty breathing, discoloration of the lips, drowsiness, crankiness and not wanting to be held.

Gotcha. Swine Flu = being on the rag. Here I thought this whole time that was more Mad Cow Disease.

H1N1 - You are ON NOTICE... start pulling your weight around here, or risk no more publicity from us.

Love,
Chris Real

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Cute hey?

Breast cancer awareness month needs a theme song... I bet it'd sound a lot like 'All I Wanna Do'.

The Too Soon Dead Slut Series - Vol. 1

Greetings and welcome to the first of what will surely be a long and successful series here at AweWeTooSoon?

This series will reach back through the past to uncover and discuss some of the finest slut deaths of all time. Now please keep in mind, many of these will be from years, possibly decades ago, but hopefully there is still enough unjustified love in the world for some of these skanks that even years later, to joke about them could still be "Too Soon".

The inaugural entry here is a no-brainer... the woman that started the whole slut death movement, and to this day probably remains the biggest of it's kind.

The Too Soon Dead Slut Series presents: Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was perhaps one of the least versatile actresses of all time... but when it came to boinking, the girl had range.

Politicians, industry leaders, play writes, sports stars, and a list of second-rate actors that would make Jenna Jameson blush.

It's amazing she never starred in a movie called 'Testicles Are A Girl's Best Friend'. (although, that was most certainly in her future, had her career not been saved - and elevated - by an early death)

Joe DiMaggio has to feel slightly ripped off. I mean, here he was for a few months, banging a girl that had been passed around Hollywood more than a burnt spoon at Courtney Love's baby shower, and Lou Gehrig gets a disease named after HIM???? WEAK.

Joe though, was just one in a long line of what I believe back then they called "suitors", but today they call "randoms". (not that I can blame him or any of them... hell, I'da done her... hell I STILL might - the idea of post-coital cuddling/talking being completely optional is... actually never mind)

One of these men of course, was JFK. After Marilyn's infamous performance of 'Happy Birthday' to JFK that made it apparent she was singing the way she did because she had a fresh gob of sperm force one in her throat - Kennedy had her killed. I know most don't believe that, but it is so, the Kennedys were mega-pricks. It was actually JFK that killed JFK - I know, I've seen a YouTube clip about it.

Of course, the "official" cause of Monroe's death is barbiturate overdose - either accidental or suicide. Either way, Marilyn stopped giving guys the 'Seven Year Itch' on August 5, 1962.

And a movement was born.

To Marilyn Monroe, a trailblazer, a visionary, and perhaps the ultimate dead slut of all time!

Love,
Chris Real

Bruce Springsteen Cancels Show After Cousin Roadie Dies

LOS ANGELES (TS) - Bruce Springsteen canceled a performance in Kansas City on Monday after the death of his cousin who was the assistant road manager of the E Street Band.

Ok, his name was Cousin Roadie? Jeebus, that dictates a person's career in life more than I librarian named Bookman, or a fisherman named Fishman, or a FOXnews anchor named Cluelessdickface.

Oh, I guess his actual name was Lenny Sullivan, he was 36, and he was found in his hotel room DEAD! in the USA, he was DEAD! in the US A-eee-A yesterday.

Police are investigating the death, but do not suspect foul play... no Gory Days... still, The Boss needs a new employee.

I can see why they'd cancel a show over this... finding someone else who could like, lift stuff would be a pretty difficult task.

When reached for comment, Springsteen seemed to mumble incoherently for a couple minutes before his words suddenly became loud and clear for a couple sentences before returning to more incoherent mumbling... which I'm sure was still pretty deep even though no one could understand it.

Jon Bon Jovi, in an effort to continue along his chosen career path of blatantly ripping off Bruce but really really watering it down, arranged for his roadie to twist his ankle.

Bob Segar is quoted as saying something about how he started having roadies die in the early 70's.

Word has it when Mr. Sullivan gets to heaven, he will be instructed to load in through the kitchen.

Love,
Chris Real

Mondeath, OctooSoonber 26th, 2009

Lots of dead wieners to get to today.

1 - Ex-state senator and ambassador to Sweden dies
Ok first off, why anyone names anyone from Texas ambassador to anywhere is beyond me.
"So senator, what did you learn on your fact finding trip to Sweden?"
"Well, first thang's they y'all talk funny like, and secondly, they almost never shoot nothin', and forthly, while they don't have any oil reserves, I did notice many gas stations that I assume have a good supply left in them underground tanks, I say we bomb 'em back to the stoneage!"
"You mean, bomb them back to modern day San Antonio?"
"Hell yeah!"

His name was Teel Bivins, a man George W. Bush calls "dear friend and a great man." putting him in such illustrious company as Dick Cheney, Mike Brown, and Osama bin Laden (before that whole little incident a few years ago).

His body died at 61, outlasting his brain by decades, which perished the day he became a member of the Republican party.

2 - Waseca health administrator dies after contracting H1N1
This one writes itself.

3 - Man shot at Yakima Halloween party dies
34-year-old Jason Baldoz died in hospital from bullet wounds sustained at a Halloween party just outside of Seattle this weekend. Serves him right for showing up WAY too fucking early.

4 - Chief bodyguard of Pope John Paul II dies
You'll have to forgive my ignorance here... I am not a Catholic... mostly due to my desire to have premarital sex (with LEGAL human beings, of the OPPOSITE sex) and my fondness for eating whatever I damn well please regardless of day of the week...

So, Pope John Paul II, that's the one that got shot right? So, this dude, Camillo Cibin is his name, was the Pope's body guard when this happened? Man, Mr. Cibin better hope there really is no afterlife, because if there is, I have to assume the Pope knows some people, and I bet this dude's name ain't on the list. St. Peter strikes me as a total prick of a bouncer (yeah I know, as opposed to the other kind), and slipping him a $20 probably isn't gonna do much good.

This job sluffing slacker then is responsible for the Pope-mobile, the ugliest, slowest, most useless vehicle not made by Chevy of all time. I remember when the Pope-mobile first came out... all those Vatican-based hot rod magazines featuring a seductively posed 9 year old boy on the hood. Looking back, I guess that was kind of creepy.

5 - GeoCities Dies
Now this is sad. I remember when my loser friend made his first GeoCities personal website. Every bump of the awesome hit counter he imported was like a little hug... you could almost hear him think, "maybe Grandma IS right, maybe I AM handsome and popular".

Then every other douche decided they deserved one of these sites as well... and all was lost.

The end of GeoCities was only a matter of time... today, there's Facebook, so never again do you have to worry someone might not know how much you love John Woo movies or how important the 12th line of Megadeth's 'Hangar 18' is to your life.
Oh yeah, and your Hot or Not account needs updating.

That's all for now kids. Remember, all life is precious...

...and all death is potentially hilarious.

Love,
Chris Real

Mother, 51, charged with murder of autistic son, 15

Mississauga, ON (TS) -- A 51-year-old mother was charged yesterday in the death of her 15-year-old autistic son, whose body was found in a Mississauga hotel room.

Now this story is just mental. To try to find any humour in it just seems retarded.

Police allege the murder occurred sometime between late on Saturday night and early yesterday morning, and mother Seow Cheng Sim (Well now this is just getting ridicurous) faces charges of first-degree murder in the death of her son, Tony Khor. (Known better to his friends as "Khor-ky")

It would seem the mother just got sick of her son constantly going on and on about The People's Court and how he couldn't miss Wapner.

Although autistic, and like, dead, Mississauga education officials are requesting Tony not be buried, as he is still that city's best shot at bringing up their standardized testing scores.

Tony reportedly could count all the way up to potato.

The true tragedy in all this, is we will never know now, if he'd been allowed to flourish, just how good he might have gotten at sorting bottles... perhaps he may have been one of the very great ones. Or, I suppose he might've been a huge failure at it, and been fired, and had to work the rest of his life at Zellers.

Maybe this is for the best.

Love,
Chris Real

Andrew Lloyd Weber diagnosed with cancer and other laughs

New York, October 26 (TS)-- Andrew Lloyd Weber is confident to return to work as soon as possible. The 61-year-old composer, reportedly being treated for prostate cancer, was quoted by his friends saying, "The show WILL go on."

I suppose this isn't so much an AreWeTooSoon? piece as it is a "stay tuned for an AreWeTooSoon? piece". Coming up shortly.

Prostate cancer... man those prostate doctors must make money up the... yin yang.

Good on ALW for letting the world know about this. Too many celeb deaths come out of nowhere and it leaves you scrambling to come up with jokes in a very short time which is a high pressure situation. Yeah that's right, I bet you never thought about THAT did you? Everyone is so busy feeling sorry for the dead person they don't even give a second thought to the people who are the most effected - those still living that are left with the burden of having to come up with material.

Example: Morrissey collapsed onstage on Saturday night and almost died.
Now Morrissey made it (this time) and is recovering nicely, but what if he had died? We'd have had approximately 12-18 hours to respond to get in the timely "every day ISN'T like Sunday"-based content.

Now, it looks like we probably have a few weeks to prepare for this one... I've already come up with "Phantom of the Operating Room" so that's a good start I guess.

Also, in looking through Morrissey articles I see that "Sir" Elton John had to cancel some shows due to flu-related illness... I doubt it's serious enough to kill him - which is good news for anyone in a "How will Elton John die?" office pool because I'm guessing "flu" was not the most popular pick - but when it does happen, ooooh that'll be a gooooooood day around these parts.

Anyway, happy Monday all, and here's hoping for a great week of Too Soon.

Love,
Chris Real

Sheldon J. Segal dies at 83; scientist led development of long-lasting contraceptives

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

NHL icon Bill Chadwick dies at 94

CUTCHOGUE, N.Y. (TS) — Bill "The Big Whistle" Chadwick, the first U.S.-born official in NHL history who was later a popular broadcaster for the New York Rangers, died Saturday. He was 94.

Play by play dude: "Bill Chadwick has the life, he holds it for 94 years, Bill's been in declining health for a number of years but has had trouble going the distance, but he's on a breakaway now... he's got a great chance here... his son reports it, a family friend confirms it... and HE'S DEEEEEEAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!"

Colour dude: "That's just an excellent death by Bill, the way he got all his organs to stop working all at once, you could tell he really wanted it."

Bill's contributions to the most pointless sport on earth are legendary.

This is hilarious and true... this guy is considered the leading innovator of hockey reffing, and he was blind in one eye. Sometimes facts are funnier than anything I can come up with.

Chadwick died of natural causes... good for him, bad for us. The next time a hockey ref dies, for the sake of this site, might I recommend:

Being stabbed. (slashing)
Beaten with a baseball bat. (high sticking)
Murdered by a hooker after unknowingly hiring a transvestite: (off side)
Playing hockey: (unnecessary roughness)

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good-bye Bill, this is one penalty box you ain't getting out of.

Love,
Chris Real

Maine girl born with 'mermaid syndrome' dies at 10

KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine (TS) — Shiloh Pepin, a girl born with a rare condition often called "mermaid syndrome," has died. She was 10.

Now this is a whale of a story. I damn near blew a seal when I heard about it. So I thought I'd make this the newest piece on AreWeTooSoon?... just for the halibut. This poor girl, we have lobster forever.

Shilo Pepin, a girl born with the rare disease sirenomelia, as of Friday afternoon is now swimming with the fishes.

She was born without a lower colon, or genitals, and her legs were fused from the waist down. I tried to walk a mile in her shoes, I fell down a lot.

It is a sad day for abstinance preaching groups that tour high schools.

Her story has been featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and other national TV programs. At the time of this writing, it is reported the balloon boy's dad was furiously duct taping his son's legs together and booking the x-ray room at the hospital.

The greatest tragedy here is Shilo will never get a college education, already paid for by the scholorship she received... from McGill.

fin.

Love,
Chris Real

Mich. man dies after stabbing in his novelty shop

Everyone bow your heads and close your eyes.

Too Soon Jesus, we thank you for this bounty we are about to receive, a novelty shop owner, are you frickin' kidding me?????

Also, please watch over us and keep us safe.

Just us though. Peace homie.

PONTIAC, Mich. (TS) - A man has been arrested in the stabbing death of an Oakland County novelty store owner.

John Martin Cox, a man who's last name I would make fun of mercilessly if there wasn't so much more material to get to, was found Thursday afternoon dead from 12 stab wounds to the back, neck, forearms and hands. Cox was reported to be shocked they made knives out of something other than hollow rubber.

Police got on the scene to discover blood, vomit, and feces... and that was just the top shelf of aisle 3. The police found lots of evidence, and have assured the family they won't just sit on it, most likely because that evidence would make a loud fart sound if they did.

Police have a suspect they are looking for, described as a 5'11' Caucasian with thick black rimmed glasses, a huge nose, and a Groucho Marx moustache and eyebrows, and is most likely intoxicated from drinking two beers at once, situated on each side of his head. He may also be wearing a shirt with what at first appears to be a Burger King logo, but at closer inspection actually says "Bonger King".

Police say there's a strong possibility the perpetrator may be trying to flee to San Fransisco, but are confident they will find him, and are able to keep up the search day and night using their very newly attained lava lamp technology.

Come Monday, the "I got shanked in Michigan and all I got was this stupid T-shirt" is expected to be a hot seller.

Love,
Chris ReOH I GET IT! BONGER KING!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA Like for stoners and shit. Sweet.

Love,
Chris Real

College of Southern Idaho Cheerleader Dies In Wreck

**Before I get into this article, I should mention I searched for a good "dead cheerleader" pic to post, but while doing so I came across this. Three fat cheerleaders is way, way funnier than even the best dead cheerleader picture. That middle one must have the arm strength of Jean Claude Van Damme on a PCP bender.

On with the show...

JEROME, ID (TS) Cheerleaders mourned Thursday at the College of Southern Idaho for the loss of one of their own.

This is getting creepy. A mere 24 hours after AreWeTooSoon? reported on the death of a high school cheerleader in Ohio, today we get news of a college cheerleader killed in a car crash in Idaho.

This is not a good week to be true to your school in middle America.

From the linked article:

Sean Carey was a freshman at CSI and before college cheered at Jerome High School, said Julie Wright-Leggett, his coach since April.

"Cheerleading was his life, he was just a really great kid," Wright-Leggett said Thursday. "My team is hurting."

Various eye-witnesses from the scene of the crash said... the scene of the cra... wait, He? It was a GUY cheerleader???

I'm ending this article... this dead douche has suffered enough.

Love,
Chris Real

Soupy Sales dies at 83

BRONX, NY (TS) - Soupy Sales, a comic with a gift for slapstick who attained cult-like popularity in the 1960s, has died. He was 83.

Legendary not particularly funny man Soupy Sales took the ultimate pie to the face last night. Sales had several health problems at the time of his passing, so it would seem when he was checked in to Calvary Hospital earlier last week, this Soup was anything but MMM MMM good.

Pictured here during one of his frequent LSD trips in the 60's, Sales made his career with a string of kids shows that eventually also became popular with extremely stoned "adults". The shows consisted of Soupy talking to puppets and his signature pie gag. From the linked article:

The gag became more than hilarious; it evolved into a hip badge of honor. Frank Sinatra was first in a long line of celebrities who clamored for the privilege to be cream-faced, including Tony Curtis, Mickey Rooney, Sammy Davis Jr., Dick Martin and Burt Lancaster.

Frankie baby, I never knew, you really did do it "your way". Too bad the show went off the air by the time Freddie Mercury became famous... They'd have never got him off the set.

Soupy was born Milton Supman on Jan. 28, 1926, in Franklinton, NC. The Supmans were the only Jewish family in town. Sales' father ran a dry goods store that sold sheets to the Ku Klux Klan. (this is true)

Soupy would later exercise these demons by naming the puppets on his show White Fang, Black Tooth, and Pookie. Pookie would often find himself in the middle of brutal turf wars between the other two puppets... but eventually they would all see eye to eye, bonding over their common love of fisting.

Good bye Soupy, we here at AreWeTooSoon? will always remember you for being the first legit celebrity we got to cover in real time...

Much like purchasing a thong at JC Penny, this Sales is final.

Love,
Chris Real

Ohio Cheerleader Collapses at Practice and Dies

YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio (TS) -- A coroner is investigating the death of a northeast Ohio cheerleader who collapsed at practice and died.

Gimmie a C! Gimmie an O! Gimmie a P! Gimmie a Y! Gimme a C! Gimmie an A! Gimmie a T!

First a high school basketball player collapses and dies at practice, then a high school football player collapses and dies at practice. Well, now the ladies are getting into the mix and making their own "Too Soon" presence felt! All this in one week... the week this site launched... interesting.

The name of the world's newest cadaveRAH! is Jabraya Howell, who rallied her last bit of pep, squaded her last bit of spirit, and brought her last bit of "it", during an after school practice yesterday.

Her coach and cheer team mates were crushed... because she was one of the all important bottom corner foundation girls in the pyramid they were practicing at the time.

The squad has bravely decided to go on and perform at this Saturday's football game, because "That's like, totally what Jabraya would have wanted".
So they will now have Jabraya be the top of the pyramid instead.

No word yet on if any of her friends have her Facebook password so they can update her status.

U! G! L! Y! She's got a great alibi, she's dead, she's dead.

Love,
Chris Real

Chet Atkins' Widow Dies In Nashville

NASHVILLE, Tenn.(TS) The widow of country legend Chet Atkins died Wednesday in Nashville at the age of 85.

Leona Atkins died a very rich woman, not because she could do anything herself, but because she spent many decades blowing someone who could.

It's a good thing Chet himself died years ago, or otherwise I'd be coming up with lame guitar-related puns in this post. I'm glad I don't have to fret about picking out a bunch of those and stringing them together.

One of the pallbearers for the funeral on Saturday is country singing sensation Vince Gill. It will be his first visit to a cemetery since burying his career sometime in the late 90's.

Congrats to Leona... who has finally discovered an Atkins diet that works.

Love,
Chris Real

Jockey dies after fall from horse in Oklahoma

OKLAHOMA CITY (TS) -The Oklahoma Horse Racing Commission is investigating the death of a Texas jockey who was thrown from his horse during a thoroughbred race at Blue Ribbon Downs in Sallisaw over the weekend.

58 year old Mark Pace died Sunday while riding the too deliciously ironic-named Reap What You Sow during a 5 1/2 furlong race. (of course, Pace himself was not in the race furlong)

Darrell Haire, the western region manager of the Jockey's Guild (that guy must get ALL the chicks), reports this is the 150th jockey to die in a riding accident in North America since 1940, or enough to re-create the "follow the Yellow Brick Road" scene from The Wizard of Oz. Despite that grim number, it must be pointed out that in that time frame, way more boxers have died than jockeys, which might go a ways in determining which underwear is truly the best.

At the time this post was written, there was no information available regarding which glue factory Pace would be shipped to.

Love,
Chris Real

New Rihanna Album On The Way

R n' B singer Rihanna has been laying pretty low since her infamous altercation a few months ago with ex-boyfriend Chris Brown. However, it looks like she is ready to jump back into the spotlight with her highly anticipated new album Rated R. If first single "Russian Roulette" is any indication, the album should prove to be another huge success for the singer.

Rihanna has enlisted industry heavyweights Justin Timberlake and Ne-Yo to produce some tracks on her album. Along with the first single, Rolling Stone reports that she has recorded an "edgy" cover of Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time."

- JJ Ramone

Canada's Oldest Resident Dies... and more!!!!

As we sit back and reflect on this October 21st, 2009, we must all give thanks... for the air we breathe, the food we eat, and the soons we too...

Here's what went... er, I mean, here's who went down today.

1) Teen Collapses on Football Field, Dies at Age 18

Just... wow. We here at AreWeTooSoon? can't help but feel a tad humbled with this one. Our site has only been up for a couple days, and already we are seeing copy-cat "Too Soon" deaths.

Just yesterday we told you about Waseeq Shahid, the 15 year old Kentucky basketball player that hit nutin' but dirt at practice.

I guess word is spreading that he got some publicity, because last night 18 year old high school football player Erick Gutierrez of Buena Vista, Georgia took practicing for sudden death overtime a bit too far and collapsed and died right on the field. Despite a valiant effort from his head coach, who bravely told the young man to "walk it off", Erick had already found the end zone. Now, he'll be going the whole two yards... down.

Erick's parents immediately sunk into a deep depression after hearing the news... the news that engraving on a headstone is charged by the letter, making them forever regret putting that fucking stupid "k" at the end of his first name.

2) Former Santa Cruz mayor, Mardi Wormhoudt dies

It's so hard for me to not make a worm joke here, as the obituary that describes all of this woman's life accomplishments is shorter than the sentence you are currently reading but...

I guess just the facts. Santa Cruz's first female mayor died today at 72. A woman that had survived earthquakes and wildfires died of melanoma. The worst Mother Nature could throw at her she overcame, but the 5 sessions for 50 dollars special at Tan-tastics in Palm Desert was just too much. Also she... um... she... well... you see... dammit that's IT. How Wallace Baine from the Santa Cruz Sentinel squeezed 300 words out on this topic I'll never know.

3) Canada's oldest resident dies in Moncton

As if anyone ever really LIVES in Moncton anyway.

Her name was Margaret Fitzgerald, and she passed away yesterday at the tender (literally, not figuratively) age of 113.

She is survived by only one known relative. (relatives tend to make themselves scarce around the 105 year mark, as it's all but certain any inheritance has already gone out the window on luxury items like blankets and oxygen tanks) That relative is 90 year old Reg King. You can read more about him on this very site, verrrrrrrrry soon.

The linked article details Reg's account of Maragret's early years, but if you've ever been to a funeral for someone 80 or older, save your time and just remember that eulogy. She worked hard blah blah blah and always had a smile on her face blah blah blah and loved telling stories about the old times blah blah blah...

Margaret was raised on a farm (obviously, as all of Canada was a farm in 1834) and later in life became a dental assistant and married her boss. Back then I guess that was romantic, today that's a trip to the HR dep't.

From the article:
King said longevity runs in his family, but he credited his aunt's record-breaking age to a clean and sober lifestyle.
"I never heard tell of her smoking or drinking liquor, and that probably had a lot to do with her health," he said.

That's right, Canada's former oldest person... was an uncool wuss. She still got a way longer obit than the former mayor of Santa Cruz though, so that's something.

That is all for tonight... sleep well friends... just not as well as these three.

Love,
Chris Real

Spero, feminist artist, dies at 83 in NYC

Now this is a tragedy.

First off I guess I should point out that the picture I've selected to accompany this post is NOT a Spero piece... I just happen to think think it's adorable, that's all.

From the article:
Feminist artist Nancy Spero, whose works have been included in the collections of The Museum of Modern Art and the Whitney Museum of American Art, has died. She was 83.

Not from the article:
These works were all displayed in the staff break rooms of these galleries, and were hung with care with fridge magnets.

Apparently, Spero's work combined drawing, painting, collage and printmaking... which all seem to be art mediums more suited for men. The over-exertion is more than likely what killed her. If she had it to do over again, I would have to think she'd concentrate more on quilting, making Popsicle stick birdhouses, and helping her children dye Easter eggs.

We at AreWeTooSoon? tried to contact various prominent female artists for comment... but it turns out there are none.

Nancy Spero, dead Oct. 18th 2009 at the age of 83.

So to all aspiring would-be female artists out there, apparently trying to be an artist is a sure path to dying alone in obscurity... even surer than having small boobs. Take heart though, homemaking is an art too.

Ah feminists... they're just so... cute.

Love,
Chris Real

Oct. 21th 2009, this day in Too Soonews

Happy Hump Day all you depraved, degenerate Too Soon-sters!

First off: FuckaduckacocksuckashittwatpoopastinkaFUCK. I woke today to see "RIP Kanye" as a trending topic on Twitter. After changing my pants, I looked into it further and saw it was a hoax. I still hold out hope though. Kanye's death would be great for not only this site, but the music biz, and indeed the world as a whole. He should go to the same doctor his mom went to.

Alas, our planet is still a rich source of Too Soon-worthy discussion... so here we go.

1) Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Jack Nelson dies at 80
Jack Nelson came to prominence covering the Civil Rights Movement in the 60's and Watergate in the 70's while working with the LA Times. There's a HUGE article about all his accomplishments during his career with the LA Times... in the LA Times today. No word on whether that qualifies as a news article or ad space.
Covering the 60's Civil Rights Movement wasn't easy for the Caucasian Nelson, so in order to gain access to meetings with black leaders of the time, Jack would disguise himself by putting a white hood on his face so no one could see the colour of his skin. This proved unsuccessful.
He won the Pulitzer prize for journalism... today... for writing his own obituary with THIS date on it back in the 80's. His Pulitzer prize for this is not without controversy though, as he had an unfair advantage over other reporters in getting this date right... as evidenced last month as the date was approaching, and he started smoking 50 Marlborough's and drinking 2 quarts of Jim Beam a day, and started having constant unprotected sex on his suspiciously too frequent trips to Bangkok.

2) Former Wyo. governor, US Sen. Clifford Hansen dies
Mr. Hansen became governor of the most important state in the US, Wyoming, in 1962, after securing 55% of the popular vote, or 23 people. Then he became that state's senator in 1966. Then he died at 97. Then the article ended. Clifford Hansen is no Ted Kennedy, and I bet he regrets it now. A battle with the bottle or a manslaughter killing could've added at least a couple paragraphs to this story. (which by the way, can only be found in the Jackson Hole Daily, the local small town newspaper in the place he was born) Now, he will be moving from Jackson Hole to Hansen hole.

3) Bond villian Joseph Wiseman dead at 91
Wisemen is best known for his title role in the 1962 Sean Connery Bond flick Dr. No. Sean Connery is better known for his role in that movie. Born in Canada in 1919, Wisemen spent most of his life pursuing a stage career, appearing in a whole bunch of stuff the linked article mentions but I've never heard of so whatever. The guy was Dr. No. That's it.
Apparently, being known for this role was a source of frustration for Wisemen. From the article:

Although Wiseman was part of movie history, his daughter said he viewed "Dr. No" with "great disdain." "He was horrified in later life because that's what he was remembered for," she said. "Stage acting was what he wanted to be remembered for."

Well Dr. No, you never have to worry about that again Dr. No. Your lifelong nightmare is over Dr. No. Rest in peace Dr. No.


And that is Oct. 21st, 2009, the day that is so far... weak crop... but the day is still young... and so is Kanye (relatively), but let's keep our fingers crossed.

Love,
Chris Real

"New" Michael Jackson Music To Be Released

It has been reported that a handful of unreleased Michael Jackson songs will be released in conjunction with the upcoming This Is It movie, which hits theatres October 28. Along with the title track, The King of Pop reinterprets a classic Elton John song. The end result is the very poignant track "Please Let Your Son Go Down On Me."

-JJ Ramone

If you're going to talk the talk, then you better walk the walk...

...unless you're Stephen Hawking.

-JJ Ramone

Oct. 20th 2009, the Too Soon Day That Was

We here at AreWeTooSoon? pride ourselves on being more tasteless before 8am than most people are all day.

It occurs to me, on the first day of this site's existence, we will always have old "standby" topics to get us by on those days when there's nothing news-worthy making headlines.

Hitler, 9/11, JFK, and to a lesser degree Charles Manson - these will ALWAYS be "too soon" worthy topics... and I for one intend to make the most of them... maybe one day cook them in some Too Soon gumbo for an epic "Too Soon" entry. ("too soon entry" - I'll take "Michael Jackson's Hobbies" for $1000 Alex)

It also occurs to me, if we are to set ourselves apart as industry-leading TooSoon-sters, we need to use our research skills to uncover some "Too Soon" topics that might otherwise go unnoticed.

Today looks to be a banner day for breaking out those research skills.

Here's what's happened in the world over the last few hours:

1) TV Theme Songwriter Vic Mizzy Dies
The man who penned such classics as 'Green Acres' and 'The Addams Family' (snap snap!) got his very own green couple of square meters today in Los Angeles. (snap snap!)
He was 93 years old, but I'm CONVINCED it was suicide... you just can't repress memories of going to elementry school with the name Vic Mizzy forever. (snap snap!)
Of course, Mr. Mizzy(AHAHAHAHA) 's main contribution to popular culture was having his 'Green Acres' melody serve as inspiration for the best part of Easy E's 'Gimmie That Nut'.

Mr. Mizzy(AHAHAHAHAHA), we leave you with this tribute:

Green Acres is the place to be
Not livin' is the life for me
Worms eatin' off my ears and eyes
'Cuz that's what happens when somebody dies

Erg... that was all together oooky. (snap snap!)

2) Kentucky High School Basketball Player Dies In Tryouts
Fifteen year old Kentucky student Waseeq Shahid collapsed and died on the basketball court yesterday during tryouts. (No word on whether he still made the team... apparently the school is predominantly white, so there's still a chance)
From the article, the kid's best friend was quoted as saying: "If you were looking for a good friend, he's what you were looking for," Nix told the newspaper. "He was there when you needed him."

Credit Nix for using the correct syntax at the end of his quote.

As sad as this is, it has not deterred Nike from going forward with the Waseeq Shahid signature basketball shoe line. Instead they will simply change the advertising tag-line to: "Guaranteed to take 6 feet off your vertical!"

3) First US Mass Murderer Dies At 88
His name is Howard Unruh, and according to the linked article he became the modern face of mass murder when he shot and killed 13 people in East Camden in 1949.
I don't have much to say here... I know this site is dedicated to being crass and heartless and such but... it's always sad when a pioneer in a field passes on.

And that is Oct. 20th, 2009, the day that was...

Love,
Chris Real

Quick question...

I need some advice... I'm planning a a big party next September. The only night everyone can make it is the 11th.

Now... I've always thought it would be a fun idea at a party to have a Jenga tournament... but...

I love this idea for a blog but...

...dammit all to hell, we've missed most of the BEST YEAR FOR TOO SOON HUMOUR EVER. @%#$#!!!!!!

We've missed Farrah Fawcett (lung cancer from a woman that once took our breath away - comedic gold), Ed McMahon (dead @ 86, surviving his career by... well, 86 years), Patrick Swayze (can't go for the 'Ghost' jokes... too soon = awesome, too obvious = lame, still, nobody puts Swayze in the coroner).

Then of course there was Billy Mays, who threw in the forth celebrity death that people care about for a 24 hour news cycle at NO EXTRA CHARGE!!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure there was one other big celeb death this year as well but for the life of me I cannot think of who it was... no worries, I'm sure we'll remember in time for our "Year in Review - the Too Soon year that was".

For now... I beg of you Too Soon Santa... bring us the following celeb deaths for X-mas:

1 - Richard Simmons
2 - Fabio
3 - Rick Astley
4 - Burt Reynolds
5 - Miley Cyrus

Actaully, make #5 number 1. You OWE us Too Soon Santa... the fucking kid in Colorado was NEVER EVEN ON THE DAMN BALLOON... do you know how many great Fall Out Boy jokes I had ready to fire off?!?!?!?!?!

Welcome to our site all... we're gonna have LOTS of fun. Rawk.

Love,
Chris Real

Def Leppard cancels Regina show

(photo caption: "Laugh if you must, but I could still kick Alvin Law's ass in foosball!")

Def Leppard cancels Regina show...

This would ordinarily be GREAT news, to not have my city be contaminated with shlocky crap "rock" music.

This is sad though, I was going to meet the drummer, and FINALLY find out what the sound of one hand clapping is.

Love,
Chris Real

Too Soon?

If Adolph Hitler was in a band, would it be called A Flock of Sieg Heils?

-JJ Ramone

Too Soon?

Mary Travers from Peter, Paul and Mary died recently.

Now they are called Peter, Paul and Buried.

- JJ Ramone

Greetings and Salutations!

Welcome to Too Soon! We want to share our humour with the world and offend the masses one person at a time. However, keep in mind that we are non-discriminatory offenders: we make fun of everyone equally. We will tell jokes about all sorts of people, whether they are black, white, straight, gay, hermaphrodites, midgets, Chinese, Japanese, Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, Atheist, jocks, stoners, yuppies, left wing, right wing, dead or alive. We will even joke about ourselves.

In our humble, but correct, opinion there is no topic that is not subject to be laughed at. We live in a pretty brutal, messed up world so humour is the easiest way to cope. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Theoretically, no one should be able to laugh after horrific events like the Holocaust or 9/11 or after we lose loved ones. However, if this was the case then our world would be pretty bleak and conversation at the bar, pub, coffee shop or water cooler would subsequently be pretty damned boring. And we HATE boring.

So feel free to peruse our site at will.

And feel free to laugh.