Teen Dies in Crash with Manure Spreader

Just... wow.

It looks like Too Soon Jesus, Too Soon Santa, the Too Soon bunny, and the Too Soon fairy all teamed up to bring us the greatest story in the history of ever.

FREDONIA, WI (TS) - A 19-year-old Cedar Grove man died when his pickup truck smashed into the back of a manure spreader in northern Ozaukee County.

Seriously... AreWeTooSoon? AreNotReallyNeeded! on this one... but we can't let it slip past us.

The dude's name is Steven R. Casarez, and he has found the shittiest way to die ever.
Wisconsin reporters were quick on the scene, they are well known for being able to sniff out a good story.

From this article:
Casarez was westbound on Jay Road near Kay-K Road when he struck the rear of the spreader, which was towed by a tractor that stopped in the westbound lane while preparing to turn left into a field. Skid marks at the scene show Casarez attempted to brake and swerve to the right.

As Rude Dude says, "That's why I refuse to pound from the rear, too much poop." Y'know, I LOVE that they had to use the words "skid marks" in this story...
When cops got on the scene, they tried to get the victim out using the jaws of life... no luck. The police were unable to clear the vehicle until one of them poured a huge bottle of Ex-Lax into a hole in the windshield, at which point Mr. Casarez slid right out.
I hope the state does the right thing and pays tribute to the fallen... by renaming Jay Road Hershey Highway.

Also from the article:
Neither teen was wearing a seatbelt, but the airbag deployed for Casarez.
Guss said investigators are awaiting the results of a toxicology report to see if alcohol was a factor in the crash.

What? Why the hell would they be waiting for a toxicology report???? The guy was CLEARLY shit-faced when they got on the scene. It's a good thing Casarez's airbag deployed... as now we have an accurate and to scale model of what Oprah's first used Huggies looked like.

The victim will not be buried until Sunday, so that he may attend a Halloween party on Saturday where he is expected to take home best costume honours for his wicked Biff Tannen outfit. (thanks Zubazz)

One thing you must be SURE to do... about 12 months after he's buried, go visit his grave, because the 'shrooms that will be growing on that patch of real estate will give you an incredible buzz.

Y'know, it's ALWAYS funny as hell when a drunk driver dies, so long as no one else gets hurt.

Yes, I'm assuming he was drunk... it was 11 at night, he was 19, he was driving a pick up, he lived in Wisconsin, and he HIT A FRICKIN' POOP TRUCK.

This turd-tapping shit disturber got what was coming to him.

We here at AreWeTooSoon? cannot thank him enough.

Flush,
Chris Real